Woke up nice and early today...it is week 16 and I have a doc appointment. Did you know, they make you pee in a cup at home before you go in?? YUCK! So I got up, went pee in the tiny cup at home and now, just have not been able to go back to sleep.
So what do I do with the boy out of town in Reno for work and a morning to myself and a doc appointment at 2:45PM? I watch Alice in Wonderland. The newer one...
One of my all time favorite stories is Alice in Wonderland...and of course the new movie with Johnny Depp is Through the Looking Glass and not the original tale of Alice in Wonderland...I enjoy it oh so very much.
The end of the movie got me thinking... where she stands up for herself and decides not to marry and goes to work for the company instead...how much I would like to have a girl.
Of course...I would be happy either way...but something about a girl makes me a tiny bit extra happy.
I was raised without my father in the picture. He has several other kids with several other women and has spent time with them but ignored me my whole life. When I was small he would call and just say "is your mother there..."
This father issue has caused so many issues in my adult life that I have worked hard to overcome but still, fight with on occasion. Feelings of inadequacy and abandonment.
The boy and I are not married (as my mother was not to my father) and at first, that scared me to death...I felt as if I was repeating history and that I too would end up alone in all this..but through these first 16 weeks, we have discussed these issues and we were already talking about getting married..we are just now doing this first instead. We do not want to marry NOW just because we are having a kid. This needs to be a decision made out of love. Would not want the child thinking we married just because of them...that is not an example I want to set.
So...the end of the movie...this strong Alice gage me the idea of raising a girl...stronger than me...with a father who is there and loves her, and this makes me really really happy. It actually makes me cry. Growing up, I did not see a father daughter relationship that was healthy. My cousins are all boys (except the ones that married in later) and my one good friend as a young girl, had a father who molested her. Fathers were never something I thought of as a good thing.
I really think the boy will be an amazing father...he is more excited about this baby than I am (I think I am still trapped in my head and emotions with this one) ... and it would just be wonderful to see this happen in front of my eyes with a girl ....
Anyhoo...we have decided not to find out the sex...I think it will be a fun surprise...but yeah...I am home alone with the boy at work in Reno for the week and watching a movie being lazy with a bowl of cereal and the cat (Miss Kitty) and the end of the movie, where she says they should take the trade route all the way to China and she gets on that ship as a strong woman, just wow...
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