Sometimes I stay up late and waste my time online...
Ok...most nights I waste my time online ....and tonight I have decided to waste my time on MTV.com
I believe I have mentioned before...that I had a miscarriage in April...
That was the first time I have ever been prego...before that, I was never even sure I wanted kids. In fact..I was pretty against having kids. I never really saw it in my life.
Then...one Sunday morning, I woke up and KNEW I was pregnant. I mean, I just knew. I was 100% sure and all the tests proved my gut right.
That was the first time I had ever felt this like...supreme knowledge, where every fiber in your being tells you the answer to the question you did not even ask.
We were careful....I mean really overly 2 types of birth control kinda careful and here I was...28 and pregnant.
This is of course much better than 16 and pregnant...
My now ex...did not want the baby and I was scared to death...but I knew at that moment that I wanted to be a mom.
Now...I get these pings of mom craving (especially the week after my period...which ended 2 days ago) ....
but I am way off track...
I used to watch 16 and Pregnant before this whole thing happened. I made snotty remarks about how stupid these kids were and so on...
Now...tonight as I watch this...I am jealous. Part of me is like "wow...I want this too."
Of course its not in the cards right now. I do not have a job, I live at home and I am barely into a new relationship....but I really feel like its something that I want and as I get older...(I know I am not OLD...but...I would like to have kids before a certain age) ...I just hope that someday I will be married and have my guy say he wants to have a baby too.
When I am with 21...(Yes...Moral Orel is now being called 21) ...I feel like this is it. That I have found the person that I will spend the rest of my life with. As someone who was married before...I can honestly say that I did NOT feel this then nor with any other person.
The feeling physically mimics the KNOWING feeling I had when I knew I was prego....and that is so calming and so scary at the same time.
I see all these things I want and I know they are lining up in some ways...but I am so scared that this feeling is wrong and these things wont happen.
....I dont know...I am rambling and I can tell I am just tired.
Its just strange being jealous of a show I spent so much time looking down on.
Good things will come...my life will come back together...and how things are meant to happen will happen. <3
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Moving Forward... at last!!
My life is finally starting to take steps in the right direction...
Today I had an interview with a company I am VERY VERY interested in. The first part of the interview went well, but the second part...not so much. I dont know if this exact position is the best for me but I have like 30 applications in with them for various locations and departments so we shall see where I end up!
Tonight I am spending the night with 21. Yes, folks... Morel Oral has a new name. We are going to call him 21..let me explain.
We were catching up on season 4 of the Venture Brothers (if you watch the show...and are not caught up on season 4... STOP READING. SPOILER!!)
****** Venture Brothers SPOILER ALERT ******
In the second half of the season, 24 is killed and 21 is keeping the skull and trying to avenge his friends death. Now these numbered fellows are henchmen for The Monarch.
The Monarch for a long time was dating Dr. Girlfriend... I really like her character. She is smart and supportive of his crazy arch enemy ways and really loves The Monarch.
Well...the Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend marry and she is now Dr. Mrs. The Monarch.
Monarch goes into coma trying to get his enemy and 21 (who I always crushed on) and Dr. Girlfriend end up making out!!! Its so hot!
he goes from nothing kinda lame guy to super amazing henchman because of his desire to avenge his friend...I mean he gets buff and smart and is just hot now...hahaha
The character has similar features to my guy and he and I laughed so hard when they made out because we kept saying they should hook up and so we are planning on Halloween this year being those characters...
and well..he said he liked 21 better than Morel Oral... so it works for both of us.
Anyhoo...wow...yeah... so tomorrow I am going to follow up with more locations and see if there are hiring managers I can have a sitdown with and go over why I would be so awesome at X (position I applied for at specific location)
I just have to be persistent.
My ambien is saying its time for bed... so off I go.
Today I had an interview with a company I am VERY VERY interested in. The first part of the interview went well, but the second part...not so much. I dont know if this exact position is the best for me but I have like 30 applications in with them for various locations and departments so we shall see where I end up!
Tonight I am spending the night with 21. Yes, folks... Morel Oral has a new name. We are going to call him 21..let me explain.
We were catching up on season 4 of the Venture Brothers (if you watch the show...and are not caught up on season 4... STOP READING. SPOILER!!)
****** Venture Brothers SPOILER ALERT ******
In the second half of the season, 24 is killed and 21 is keeping the skull and trying to avenge his friends death. Now these numbered fellows are henchmen for The Monarch.
The Monarch for a long time was dating Dr. Girlfriend... I really like her character. She is smart and supportive of his crazy arch enemy ways and really loves The Monarch.
Well...the Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend marry and she is now Dr. Mrs. The Monarch.
Monarch goes into coma trying to get his enemy and 21 (who I always crushed on) and Dr. Girlfriend end up making out!!! Its so hot!
he goes from nothing kinda lame guy to super amazing henchman because of his desire to avenge his friend...I mean he gets buff and smart and is just hot now...hahaha
The character has similar features to my guy and he and I laughed so hard when they made out because we kept saying they should hook up and so we are planning on Halloween this year being those characters...
and well..he said he liked 21 better than Morel Oral... so it works for both of us.
Anyhoo...wow...yeah... so tomorrow I am going to follow up with more locations and see if there are hiring managers I can have a sitdown with and go over why I would be so awesome at X (position I applied for at specific location)
I just have to be persistent.
My ambien is saying its time for bed... so off I go.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Another Step in the Right Direction....(I need YOUR help!!)
Yep....I am doing something...making a change. I am going to WALK (no running for me quite yet) the 12k Bay to Breakers in May!!
Its about 2 weeks before my birthday and what a way to turn 29!
The COOLEST part of how I am doing this is really WHO I am doing it for. I am doing this as a fundraiser for Breathe California!
With all the people dying around me from things like lung cancer and COPD and emphysema and so on, I thought there would be no better way to better myself and those around me.
I got the idea when my friend said she was going to do Bay to Breakers and I was sad that I did not have the money to register (being jobless and all) so I was reading more about it, thinking I would just register when I got a job or unemployment and BOOM I came across the beneficiary of the event. I saw that you can RUN in their honor and I was like, I cant run.
So I reached out to the lovely people at Breathe California and received a reply from a great guy named Steve who said SURE YOU CAN DO IT AS A WALKER!
I am registered, made my page and now I just have to reach my goal of 250.00 to be officially set in the Bay to Breakers race!
Not only is this my first time and my best friends first time as well (she is a great runner though) ...it is also the 100th anniversary of the event! How cool is that!?!?
Now...here is the "I need YOUR help" part. You can check out my page and donate!
http://events.ggbreathe.org/goto/Jessica_Mirch
Pass it along to everyone you know. If I just got one dollar from every facebook friend, I would hit my goal so lets make this happen!!
<3 <3 <3
Its about 2 weeks before my birthday and what a way to turn 29!
The COOLEST part of how I am doing this is really WHO I am doing it for. I am doing this as a fundraiser for Breathe California!
With all the people dying around me from things like lung cancer and COPD and emphysema and so on, I thought there would be no better way to better myself and those around me.
I got the idea when my friend said she was going to do Bay to Breakers and I was sad that I did not have the money to register (being jobless and all) so I was reading more about it, thinking I would just register when I got a job or unemployment and BOOM I came across the beneficiary of the event. I saw that you can RUN in their honor and I was like, I cant run.
So I reached out to the lovely people at Breathe California and received a reply from a great guy named Steve who said SURE YOU CAN DO IT AS A WALKER!
I am registered, made my page and now I just have to reach my goal of 250.00 to be officially set in the Bay to Breakers race!
Not only is this my first time and my best friends first time as well (she is a great runner though) ...it is also the 100th anniversary of the event! How cool is that!?!?
Now...here is the "I need YOUR help" part. You can check out my page and donate!
http://events.ggbreathe.org/goto/Jessica_Mirch
Pass it along to everyone you know. If I just got one dollar from every facebook friend, I would hit my goal so lets make this happen!!
<3 <3 <3
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Blah blah blah (An update of sorts)
So..here is the "skinny"....
Still no job (boo)
Got a Nook for Christmas from my mom
Still not working out like I should be since I dont have a job!
Applications coming out my ears!
Still dating the same guy....
and really, thats about it. I dont really have much to say right now...I am at a 2 day catholic funeral about 100 miles from home in a hotel where my mom is asleep in the other queen bed and I am reading a book called "Become Your Own Matchmaker"
Its the book from that chick Patti from the Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo (New episode tonight inspired me to read the book)
and I think that I will focus a couple of blog entries on the things she suggests to do in this book to be happy with yourself and attract a mate.
I know I am dating currently so the "dating detox" is kinda out of the question but the activities she suggests doing during the dating detox are good activities that I think I could use.
So yes... more to blog I swear...I have the power and I have the dreams I just need to find out whats holding me back.
I think it is the fear of failure...that even if I work out that nothing will happen ...that I will never love myself fully and well...be a general mess forever...but I cant let that be the case.
When I moved to Portland back in 2007 ...I was 60lbs less than I am now. I wasnt thrilled with myself but I had cute clothes and definitely felt better than I do now.
Right now thats my goal...to be back to my pre-Portland weight. I need to figure out how to do that and such without setting a goal I cant achieve.
How did I do it before? with the FIRM and the TransFIRMer system. I dont have my steps anymore (sad face) but I know there are other workouts that work too and shit...I am serious. I dont have a job. What the fuck am I doing with my life!?!??!
I have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD ... *sigh*
So yes yes...I need to get my act together and I literally have ZERO excuses.
I should try and sleep.
Funeral mass early tomorrow. *sigh*
More to come!
Still no job (boo)
Got a Nook for Christmas from my mom
Still not working out like I should be since I dont have a job!
Applications coming out my ears!
Still dating the same guy....
and really, thats about it. I dont really have much to say right now...I am at a 2 day catholic funeral about 100 miles from home in a hotel where my mom is asleep in the other queen bed and I am reading a book called "Become Your Own Matchmaker"
Its the book from that chick Patti from the Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo (New episode tonight inspired me to read the book)
and I think that I will focus a couple of blog entries on the things she suggests to do in this book to be happy with yourself and attract a mate.
I know I am dating currently so the "dating detox" is kinda out of the question but the activities she suggests doing during the dating detox are good activities that I think I could use.
So yes... more to blog I swear...I have the power and I have the dreams I just need to find out whats holding me back.
I think it is the fear of failure...that even if I work out that nothing will happen ...that I will never love myself fully and well...be a general mess forever...but I cant let that be the case.
When I moved to Portland back in 2007 ...I was 60lbs less than I am now. I wasnt thrilled with myself but I had cute clothes and definitely felt better than I do now.
Right now thats my goal...to be back to my pre-Portland weight. I need to figure out how to do that and such without setting a goal I cant achieve.
How did I do it before? with the FIRM and the TransFIRMer system. I dont have my steps anymore (sad face) but I know there are other workouts that work too and shit...I am serious. I dont have a job. What the fuck am I doing with my life!?!??!
I have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD ... *sigh*
So yes yes...I need to get my act together and I literally have ZERO excuses.
I should try and sleep.
Funeral mass early tomorrow. *sigh*
More to come!
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