So when at work...with nothing else to do... I sometimes read the bump.com to catch up on the world of baby shit.
Frankly...I do not fit in. The moms there seem so shallow and generally awful to me. They are rude, very "high and mighty" and frankly, in person, I would just walk away from all of them.
It is like a giant bitch fest!! I was looking at shower stuff....because well, I know nothing really about showers and thought it would be neat to read stuff and this girl is going off on this other girl for having a shower for her second child.
Screaming from the hills that it is tacky and blah blah blah.... but seriously?? WHO CARES!?!?
If she wants a party, then let her have a party!! I get that the "rules" say that you should not and that you should VERY MUCH NOT throw your own shower but seriously....why get so worked up over it?? Why tear someone else down? Who the fuck do you think you are??
I dunno... I am frankly tired of people right now. Maybe this is just pregnancy hormones but fuckin hell.
People suck!
*rant over*
Monday, December 12, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
Alice in Wonderland got me thinking about the sex...
Good morning and happy Friday!
Woke up nice and early today...it is week 16 and I have a doc appointment. Did you know, they make you pee in a cup at home before you go in?? YUCK! So I got up, went pee in the tiny cup at home and now, just have not been able to go back to sleep.
So what do I do with the boy out of town in Reno for work and a morning to myself and a doc appointment at 2:45PM? I watch Alice in Wonderland. The newer one...
Woke up nice and early today...it is week 16 and I have a doc appointment. Did you know, they make you pee in a cup at home before you go in?? YUCK! So I got up, went pee in the tiny cup at home and now, just have not been able to go back to sleep.
So what do I do with the boy out of town in Reno for work and a morning to myself and a doc appointment at 2:45PM? I watch Alice in Wonderland. The newer one...
One of my all time favorite stories is Alice in Wonderland...and of course the new movie with Johnny Depp is Through the Looking Glass and not the original tale of Alice in Wonderland...I enjoy it oh so very much.
The end of the movie got me thinking... where she stands up for herself and decides not to marry and goes to work for the company instead...how much I would like to have a girl.
Of course...I would be happy either way...but something about a girl makes me a tiny bit extra happy.
I was raised without my father in the picture. He has several other kids with several other women and has spent time with them but ignored me my whole life. When I was small he would call and just say "is your mother there..."
This father issue has caused so many issues in my adult life that I have worked hard to overcome but still, fight with on occasion. Feelings of inadequacy and abandonment.
The boy and I are not married (as my mother was not to my father) and at first, that scared me to death...I felt as if I was repeating history and that I too would end up alone in all this..but through these first 16 weeks, we have discussed these issues and we were already talking about getting married..we are just now doing this first instead. We do not want to marry NOW just because we are having a kid. This needs to be a decision made out of love. Would not want the child thinking we married just because of them...that is not an example I want to set.
So...the end of the movie...this strong Alice gage me the idea of raising a girl...stronger than me...with a father who is there and loves her, and this makes me really really happy. It actually makes me cry. Growing up, I did not see a father daughter relationship that was healthy. My cousins are all boys (except the ones that married in later) and my one good friend as a young girl, had a father who molested her. Fathers were never something I thought of as a good thing.
I really think the boy will be an amazing father...he is more excited about this baby than I am (I think I am still trapped in my head and emotions with this one) ... and it would just be wonderful to see this happen in front of my eyes with a girl ....
Anyhoo...we have decided not to find out the sex...I think it will be a fun surprise...but yeah...I am home alone with the boy at work in Reno for the week and watching a movie being lazy with a bowl of cereal and the cat (Miss Kitty) and the end of the movie, where she says they should take the trade route all the way to China and she gets on that ship as a strong woman, just wow...
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Parenting scares...bad reality TV and more.
Being a parent. That STILL has not quite hit me all the way. Someone is going to rely on me to raise them, teach them and prepare them for life.
I am not strict religious but more spiritual and the father is an atheist. We have been talking about things that will/will not be important to us but also how to let the child feel "normal" in some ways with their school friends and what not.
We do not want to lie to the kid. Meaning, we do not want to do things like the tooth fairy, Easter bunny or Santa. Yes...I said Santa. We are not going to teach the whole man in a red outfit coming in the house kinda thing. I was thinking more along the lines of teaching about Saint Nick and the good work he did when he was alive along with the Pegan (sp?) things such as the symbol of the tree and what not.
The same goes for Easter, teaching the spring festival instead of the religious points of Easter. Of course the sexual things of the spring festival will wait until this person is much older, but you know what I mean.
Will that make my kid a bit of an outsider?? Maybe. I will also have to find a way to teach them not to ruin Christmas or other traditions for the kids who are taught to believe because I do not want to ruin anyone elses parenting styles...this is just what I think will work for us.
....so what has me thinking about all this parenting stuff?? I have been very very very very very ill with my morning sickness. Missed 4 days of work now...with only daytime reality type TV shows to keep me company and I started watching the TLC program, Sister Wives.
This is about a polygamist family in Utah who basically went public with their lifestyle. I am enjoying seeing the dynamic. I have always been a believer in it takes a village to raise a child and that other adult and child influences on the child are very valuable but at the same time, they are talking about how people judge and are afraid of what they do not understand but they are not addressing the things that cause these issues to begin with.
If they want us to understand them better ...they also need to talk about the bad that is out there in their religion. Those extreme members with the compounds and the child brides. So far (I am on season 2, episode 8) they have not addressed this at all.
I think that if they were more open about the negative stuff...meaning acknowledging it and addressing concerns, that more people would give them less crap about their lifestyle.
From what I can see, this family works. Does it work for me?? No way. Unprotected sex with 3 other women and making babies with those women, no way. I am WAY too jealous for that. I would love to have land with houses and all my friends and close family around to share in raising each others kids and things like that...but sharing the man himself, no way. Not for me.
Honestly, I like all the women except one; Robyn. She bothers me for some reason...maybe because she is new and she does not seem to have the same dynamic that the original 3 wives had but I am not sure.
What I do like is that he was married to the original 3 BEFORE any children were born and I would probably like the show more if it had stayed that way. When you have your lifestyle established and THEN bring children into it, I think it is much healthier but again, it is not really my place to judge...but I will judge anyway. It is what humans do.
As for the MORE part of my subject line...I can not reply to comments on my own blog!! Does anyone know why that is?? It says I am not authorized to comment!! I can not figure this out. Some of you who read me are professionals at this, so maybe you can offer me some advice but to reply to Dani...
I am due in late May or early June. Anywhere from May 25th to June 3rd. I actually like having such a wide range because it lets me feel like I can relax without a DEADLINE. It will kinda happen when it happens...and I like that.
What is interesting is I will be turning 30 on May 27th..so no matter when it comes, it will be so close to my birthday!
Let us see now if I can keep some food in me this afternoon!
I am not strict religious but more spiritual and the father is an atheist. We have been talking about things that will/will not be important to us but also how to let the child feel "normal" in some ways with their school friends and what not.
We do not want to lie to the kid. Meaning, we do not want to do things like the tooth fairy, Easter bunny or Santa. Yes...I said Santa. We are not going to teach the whole man in a red outfit coming in the house kinda thing. I was thinking more along the lines of teaching about Saint Nick and the good work he did when he was alive along with the Pegan (sp?) things such as the symbol of the tree and what not.
The same goes for Easter, teaching the spring festival instead of the religious points of Easter. Of course the sexual things of the spring festival will wait until this person is much older, but you know what I mean.
Will that make my kid a bit of an outsider?? Maybe. I will also have to find a way to teach them not to ruin Christmas or other traditions for the kids who are taught to believe because I do not want to ruin anyone elses parenting styles...this is just what I think will work for us.
....so what has me thinking about all this parenting stuff?? I have been very very very very very ill with my morning sickness. Missed 4 days of work now...with only daytime reality type TV shows to keep me company and I started watching the TLC program, Sister Wives.
This is about a polygamist family in Utah who basically went public with their lifestyle. I am enjoying seeing the dynamic. I have always been a believer in it takes a village to raise a child and that other adult and child influences on the child are very valuable but at the same time, they are talking about how people judge and are afraid of what they do not understand but they are not addressing the things that cause these issues to begin with.
If they want us to understand them better ...they also need to talk about the bad that is out there in their religion. Those extreme members with the compounds and the child brides. So far (I am on season 2, episode 8) they have not addressed this at all.
I think that if they were more open about the negative stuff...meaning acknowledging it and addressing concerns, that more people would give them less crap about their lifestyle.
From what I can see, this family works. Does it work for me?? No way. Unprotected sex with 3 other women and making babies with those women, no way. I am WAY too jealous for that. I would love to have land with houses and all my friends and close family around to share in raising each others kids and things like that...but sharing the man himself, no way. Not for me.
Honestly, I like all the women except one; Robyn. She bothers me for some reason...maybe because she is new and she does not seem to have the same dynamic that the original 3 wives had but I am not sure.
What I do like is that he was married to the original 3 BEFORE any children were born and I would probably like the show more if it had stayed that way. When you have your lifestyle established and THEN bring children into it, I think it is much healthier but again, it is not really my place to judge...but I will judge anyway. It is what humans do.
As for the MORE part of my subject line...I can not reply to comments on my own blog!! Does anyone know why that is?? It says I am not authorized to comment!! I can not figure this out. Some of you who read me are professionals at this, so maybe you can offer me some advice but to reply to Dani...
I am due in late May or early June. Anywhere from May 25th to June 3rd. I actually like having such a wide range because it lets me feel like I can relax without a DEADLINE. It will kinda happen when it happens...and I like that.
What is interesting is I will be turning 30 on May 27th..so no matter when it comes, it will be so close to my birthday!
Let us see now if I can keep some food in me this afternoon!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
New blog name...same girl chatting...
So yes, I changed the name of my blog because well, frankly, I am tired of some things and I just want a place where I can be real.
The big news??
I am pregnant. Yep...you heard it here first. I am 9 weeks pregnant and my whole life has been turned upside down and every time I express my worry, concern, discomfort and so on ...on any of those mommy to be forums, I get internet bashed.
We are talking a full out flame war because I am stressed, sick, worried and not just over come with joy that I am pregnant.
Of course I would not be saying anything about this if I had any plans on not following through with it. I also have been keeping my mouth shut (except for reaching out online for support from strangers) because I was pregnant last year and there was a loss.
But tonight...I am tired, my boobs hurt more than anything I ever thought could, I had to stop ALL MY MEDS cold turkey (because duh..I was not trying to get pregnant) and I just want to complain sometimes.
I am not feeling the joy of pregnancy. I spend all day sick to my stomach and tired, I can not take sleeping pills and I have injuries in my back and neck that can no longer be handled with meds or even be investigated further due to what they would need to do.
I know this gets better.....but where are the REAL pregnant women out there?? Where are the women who got pregnant by accident and who were not quite ready but are taking on the challenge? Where are those who are not thinking this is the greatest thing in their lives ever? Who are sick and tired of being sick and tired??
Only a few people read this...and maybe not even that but it is at least a place where if someone does find it, they can be honest in their reply and maybe say what is making them crazy too. Talk about all the stuff that is hard about being pregnant, working, in a still new-ish relationship and so on.
On another note...my friend died today. She had breast cancer and I did not even get to tell her I was pregnant. I did not get to see her in her new home in Atlanta...we were planning a cruise for next year ...I did not think that my last conversation with her would truly have been my last.
Maybe that was the motivation to change this blog over to a real life rant...but I realize that I do not have time to sit and worry and feel judged on other internet sites. Forget those sites....I do not need them.
All I need are the people that love me, support me and want to be a part of all this ever changing stuff.
So if that is you...stay tuned.
The big news??
I am pregnant. Yep...you heard it here first. I am 9 weeks pregnant and my whole life has been turned upside down and every time I express my worry, concern, discomfort and so on ...on any of those mommy to be forums, I get internet bashed.
We are talking a full out flame war because I am stressed, sick, worried and not just over come with joy that I am pregnant.
Of course I would not be saying anything about this if I had any plans on not following through with it. I also have been keeping my mouth shut (except for reaching out online for support from strangers) because I was pregnant last year and there was a loss.
But tonight...I am tired, my boobs hurt more than anything I ever thought could, I had to stop ALL MY MEDS cold turkey (because duh..I was not trying to get pregnant) and I just want to complain sometimes.
I am not feeling the joy of pregnancy. I spend all day sick to my stomach and tired, I can not take sleeping pills and I have injuries in my back and neck that can no longer be handled with meds or even be investigated further due to what they would need to do.
I know this gets better.....but where are the REAL pregnant women out there?? Where are the women who got pregnant by accident and who were not quite ready but are taking on the challenge? Where are those who are not thinking this is the greatest thing in their lives ever? Who are sick and tired of being sick and tired??
Only a few people read this...and maybe not even that but it is at least a place where if someone does find it, they can be honest in their reply and maybe say what is making them crazy too. Talk about all the stuff that is hard about being pregnant, working, in a still new-ish relationship and so on.
On another note...my friend died today. She had breast cancer and I did not even get to tell her I was pregnant. I did not get to see her in her new home in Atlanta...we were planning a cruise for next year ...I did not think that my last conversation with her would truly have been my last.
Maybe that was the motivation to change this blog over to a real life rant...but I realize that I do not have time to sit and worry and feel judged on other internet sites. Forget those sites....I do not need them.
All I need are the people that love me, support me and want to be a part of all this ever changing stuff.
So if that is you...stay tuned.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
If I ever got married...
On this lovely Sunday ...when I am on the last leg of a cold...I have been watching WE TV wedding Sunday.
In thinking about my maybe someday I will get married again wedding...I have really decided that I would like to elope with just my mom...Gail (best friend) and maybe a few others...but we are talking like 10 max.
I think that would work well...then throw a club party when we got back with all our musician friends (this is if I married the boy) ....but yeah. I dont want a big production...I want a nice dress...a beautiful location and everything super low key.
I dont want a bouquet toss...I dont want any of that kinda stuff...I just want to have a good time somewhere...
When I started to really fall in love with the boy...he was on a business trip in Savannah Georgia for work...and they dont have a waiting period.
I dunno...blah! haha
Who knows if I will ever get married...but I think if I ever do...I dont want it to be a big thing. I want it to be the private...intimate event that I have always wanted.
In thinking about my maybe someday I will get married again wedding...I have really decided that I would like to elope with just my mom...Gail (best friend) and maybe a few others...but we are talking like 10 max.
I think that would work well...then throw a club party when we got back with all our musician friends (this is if I married the boy) ....but yeah. I dont want a big production...I want a nice dress...a beautiful location and everything super low key.
I dont want a bouquet toss...I dont want any of that kinda stuff...I just want to have a good time somewhere...
When I started to really fall in love with the boy...he was on a business trip in Savannah Georgia for work...and they dont have a waiting period.
I dunno...blah! haha
Who knows if I will ever get married...but I think if I ever do...I dont want it to be a big thing. I want it to be the private...intimate event that I have always wanted.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Nightmares...
For the past few nights...I have been having nightmares.
Now of course I am staying up all hours of the night watching Criminal Minds...so nightmares would be expected but these are not about kidnappings or rapes or murder or anything that the show covers.
I keep having nightmares that I am pregnant. *sigh*
My period is due in a week....and I think I know where all this is coming from, I have 2 women in my life who are pregnant right now and do not want to be...but I wish that their bad juju was not falling on me. I am hoping that is all it is...that I am stressing because they are stressing but I can not wait until I get my period!!
How often do you think that!?!? haha Most of the time, I am dreading it but this time...I WANT IT! One more week. One week. One week of freaking out and one week of nightmares.
Blah blah blah.
Now of course I am staying up all hours of the night watching Criminal Minds...so nightmares would be expected but these are not about kidnappings or rapes or murder or anything that the show covers.
I keep having nightmares that I am pregnant. *sigh*
My period is due in a week....and I think I know where all this is coming from, I have 2 women in my life who are pregnant right now and do not want to be...but I wish that their bad juju was not falling on me. I am hoping that is all it is...that I am stressing because they are stressing but I can not wait until I get my period!!
How often do you think that!?!? haha Most of the time, I am dreading it but this time...I WANT IT! One more week. One week. One week of freaking out and one week of nightmares.
Blah blah blah.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Life...its a funny thing.
Tonight...as I watch Criminal Minds (yes...started the show from the beginning and now I am HOOKED!) I found out my friend had both her breasts removed.
We found out recently that she had stage 4 breast cancer....I mean she literally woke up and one of her breasts was doubled in size. How could they have missed this??? She was going to school for nursing stuff...I mean I am just floored that no one saw this.
She moved to Atlanta recently... left her whole life...her kids are grown and she was getting out and doing something for herself...so exciting...now so much change.
I thought she was having surgery in April...
*sigh*
I need to get my butt to Atlanta.
In other news...I weighed in today... 256! not bad at all.
We found out recently that she had stage 4 breast cancer....I mean she literally woke up and one of her breasts was doubled in size. How could they have missed this??? She was going to school for nursing stuff...I mean I am just floored that no one saw this.
She moved to Atlanta recently... left her whole life...her kids are grown and she was getting out and doing something for herself...so exciting...now so much change.
I thought she was having surgery in April...
*sigh*
I need to get my butt to Atlanta.
In other news...I weighed in today... 256! not bad at all.
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